a little love

In October, I said that I was going to love myself. I promised to be ok with my bumps and curves and everything that rolls in between.

I have yet to get there. (Of course, I'm eating an entire box of Samoas as I type this.)

Honestly, getting there is insanely difficult. Every day overwhelms me with a cannonade of ads, movies and magazines full of happy people.

Coincidentally, they're also all skinny.

Where are the big people? On news broadcasts about obesity. On reality shows getting makeovers. On Oprah, crying about how no one will love them.

Being skinny isn't bad. Neither is being fat. (Of course, being healthy is optimal.) And there isn't a single demographic of which all members are happy. Half of the skinny people want to lose weight just as much as the fat people.

For the past few months, I've been trying to find some way of making myself skinny - dieting, giving up certain foods for New Year's, going to the gym every day, extreme home fitness programs . . .

Each one of these has left me feeling worse about myself than the last.

So, I settled on something that makes me happy: running.

No, I can't run very far or very long. I get excited when I can run for six minutes without collapsing.

But, running gives me time to think. It gives me sun on my face and an excuse to not worry about work or school for 30 minutes to an hour every day. When I'm running, I don't care what I look like. I don't care what people think of me. I'm completely happy with myself.

I've also recently realized how awesome I am. My best friend joked yesterday about how much I embrace my awkwardness. I thought for a second before I replied.

"You know, as much as I torment myself about my physical appearance, I think I'm allowed to absolutely love my personality."

And it's true.

I don't think the key to personal happiness is being skinny. I don't even think it's being funny and smart (like I am, of course).

I think the key to personal happiness is finding one thing about yourself that you love, embracing it, then building on it.

Working out shouldn't be a chore. It should be fun and promote confidence.

So, that's what I'm doing. I'm having fun and simultaneously loving myself.

I think that through loving myself a little differently each day, through finding a physical activity that I enjoy, confidence and a supreme respect for myself will follow accordingly.

Heck, I might even get skinny along the way.